Well I'm back at work (great joy) and finally know why I have been experiencing the pains which have kept me away for two months. I had a Laparoscopy about 3 weeks ago and was diagnosed with endemitriosis which explains soooo much! For those of you who don't know what it is I'll try to explain in my (very) layman's terms. The tissue which develops within a Woman's womb over the course of a month is shed each month in the form of a monthly period which is normal and healthy. Endemetriosis is where this tissue (for some reason) grows elsewhere within the body, in my case around the outside of the womb and the bladder mainly, and when a period is due this tissue also comes away. The problem is it has nowhere to go and it builds up causing scar tissue which in turn causes major cramps and in my case adhesions. Basically my bladder has got stuck to my womb. Nice eh?
I'm still experiencing pain (some days worse than others) due to the adhesion and endemetriosis lesions but now that the GP is happy I don't have anything that will kill me just yet I have the all clear to work again which is a relief as I'm basically broke. I have to have surgery (more joy) to separate the bladder and womb but I don't know when this will be as yet.
I'm not really overjoyed with this as the laparoscopy which is cleverly performed by keyhole surgery hurt like hell! They only make 3 small incisions which are healing nicely but the bruising for the first two weeks was incredible. Half my lower abdomen turned an attractive purple, black and red combination and the swelling made me look heavily pregnant. The disapproving looks I earned for walking along the street smoking a cigarette were pretty entertaining though.
The pain from the operation has eased (mostly) so I am OK for the wedding WHICH IS IN 10 DAYS! It's all under control as much as these things ever are and all is now booked and paid for. My dress is taking its time however to arrive but I have been assured its being made and will be with me soon. I am excited and scared and all the other emotions in between about the big day despite my belief that I wouldn't be one of 'those' brides but the overall feeling is a pleasant one so I guess that's OK then. My partner is by the way annoyingly calm which irritates me no end the smug git!
I can't go into too much detail about the day as he actually reads this blog but rest assured I am going to look bloody gorgeous (for a change).
I found an interesting series on u tube today called The Atheist Experience. Its an American cable access show which is also online. Its very interesting and often hilarious with plenty of wing nuts calling in to scream abuse at the host (an ex-Mormon) who easily rebuffs their daft and often plain weird ideas. Seriously have a look it's cool.
http://www.atheist-experience.com/archive/
Wednesday 14 July 2010
Thursday 17 June 2010
Yep it's been a while but it's been a bit crazy for a few weeks and I just didn't think about blogging. I have been ill. My partner went away overnight and during that night I woke in agony with extremely severe lower abdominal pain. A friend took me to the doctor who sent me to hospital. I have had two ultrasound scans which show problems which I won't discuss in detail as it is personal but the upshot is that I now need an operation to have a camera inserted into my belly to have a closer look and then possibly an operation to fix it. Hopefully it is fixable.
Apart from that the wedding plans are going great guns. Everything is booked or on order and it's all getting a bit real now! It appears that my Matron of Honour has booked me a stripper for the Hen night which is a bit scary but I suppose ritual humiliation is the order of the day when you are getting hitched.
Still reading constantly of course. I am reading Christopher Hitchens new one, his memoir at the moment and so far I love it for it's candid and deliciously pompous self reflection and story telling. I did feel very sad when he described his Mother's apparent suicide. Poor woman.
Not much else to report since I have been stuck at home on painkillers for weeks but my camera op is on Monday 21 June so will have more to talk about then I am sure!
Byeee I would say wish me luck except I don't believe in it...
Apart from that the wedding plans are going great guns. Everything is booked or on order and it's all getting a bit real now! It appears that my Matron of Honour has booked me a stripper for the Hen night which is a bit scary but I suppose ritual humiliation is the order of the day when you are getting hitched.
Still reading constantly of course. I am reading Christopher Hitchens new one, his memoir at the moment and so far I love it for it's candid and deliciously pompous self reflection and story telling. I did feel very sad when he described his Mother's apparent suicide. Poor woman.
Not much else to report since I have been stuck at home on painkillers for weeks but my camera op is on Monday 21 June so will have more to talk about then I am sure!
Byeee I would say wish me luck except I don't believe in it...
Thursday 15 April 2010
Loss of a Legend
I'm really hoping this is a hoax (it's happened before) but suspect it's the real deal. Pete Steele the frontman of incredible band Type O Negative died last night from a heart attach aged only 48.
I have long loved this band for its unique, clever, heavy, sombre and often funny music and have had a 'thing' for Pete ever since I was old enough to know what a 'thing' was. He was talented, sexy,huge (no really he was a big fella) and despite his miserable sounding attitude a very funny guy.
The rock scene will miss him so much. He was so original and took the rock/goth genre and made it cool again with more than a hint of self deprecating gloomy fun.
Goodbye Pete you were truly unique.
I'm off to find a bar.
I have long loved this band for its unique, clever, heavy, sombre and often funny music and have had a 'thing' for Pete ever since I was old enough to know what a 'thing' was. He was talented, sexy,
The rock scene will miss him so much. He was so original and took the rock/goth genre and made it cool again with more than a hint of self deprecating gloomy fun.
Goodbye Pete you were truly unique.
I'm off to find a bar.
Wednesday 14 April 2010
Justice for all? (Warning contains ranting)
Well isn't that a turn up for the books. Yet another huge story of child rape and cover ups from the Vatican. I REALLY hope Richard Dawkins and Chistopher Hitchens get their way and arrest the creature known as the Pope and bring him and his cohorts to the trial they so deserve.
I have heard a lot of people whining on about how Dawkins and Hitchens are just using this recent turn of events as a way of bashing religion but seriously get the big picture here people. There are kids being raped and scarred for life by sadistic and perverted men who use their authority to get away with it and in turn get their crimes covered up so as not to 'embarrass' their institution. The current Pope helped to cover up these atrocious acts and has even asked for leniency for the poor old men who performed them. What about the poor young children defiled and injured by these same poor old men? Its easy to accuse Dawkins etc of using this story as a lever for their views but what it actually shows is that maybe, just maybe their views are correct and this is proof that religion especially the nasty dogmatic Catholic one is harmful. Has it occurred to anyone that these men may actually care about the children they are trying to support?
I fully support these men in their attempt to bring to justice men who have for no reason other than hysterical Bronze Age superstition have been allowed by the rest of the world to get away with such disgusting crimes. Anyone else in the modern West would have to stand trial for such atrocity but a Cardinal? The Pope? NO! They are immune to justice and why? Because we let them! If we just stopped and looked at ourselves we would realise that we are all guilty of letting this happen with the idiotic idea of 'respect' for religious figures where they somehow become above the law and even make the law itself. People earn respect they do not automatically get it for being in a position of authority especially if their authority is based on out dated, immoral and factually incorrect teachings.
Arrest the Pope and all those within the Catholic church who have hurt or covered up the hurt of children and send them to trial and prove we are the rational modern creatures we so want to believe we are.
I have heard a lot of people whining on about how Dawkins and Hitchens are just using this recent turn of events as a way of bashing religion but seriously get the big picture here people. There are kids being raped and scarred for life by sadistic and perverted men who use their authority to get away with it and in turn get their crimes covered up so as not to 'embarrass' their institution. The current Pope helped to cover up these atrocious acts and has even asked for leniency for the poor old men who performed them. What about the poor young children defiled and injured by these same poor old men? Its easy to accuse Dawkins etc of using this story as a lever for their views but what it actually shows is that maybe, just maybe their views are correct and this is proof that religion especially the nasty dogmatic Catholic one is harmful. Has it occurred to anyone that these men may actually care about the children they are trying to support?
I fully support these men in their attempt to bring to justice men who have for no reason other than hysterical Bronze Age superstition have been allowed by the rest of the world to get away with such disgusting crimes. Anyone else in the modern West would have to stand trial for such atrocity but a Cardinal? The Pope? NO! They are immune to justice and why? Because we let them! If we just stopped and looked at ourselves we would realise that we are all guilty of letting this happen with the idiotic idea of 'respect' for religious figures where they somehow become above the law and even make the law itself. People earn respect they do not automatically get it for being in a position of authority especially if their authority is based on out dated, immoral and factually incorrect teachings.
Arrest the Pope and all those within the Catholic church who have hurt or covered up the hurt of children and send them to trial and prove we are the rational modern creatures we so want to believe we are.
Thursday 1 April 2010
No longer a statistic
Well I'm sure I am a statistic in many ways but one less now! I am once gain a member of that rare and elusive in-group known as the employed!
Huzzah, Hooray and other H words!
It's part time, 2.5 days a week which pays the bills (just, I am lucky to be co-habiting) without making me too tired or ill to function adequately. This of course means that I am once again able to blog with impunity as I have access to a decent(ish) PC at work and of course a life to blog about!
We will be seeing a good friend on Saturday evening for a (now sadly rare) evening of much wine and chatting which should throw up some good topics for blogussion. He is one of my own, a free thinker and non-religious secularist with whom I have had countless enjoyable discussions and debates with. It's gets even better because my partner will also be there and he is not entirely convinced by our fervent (non) beliefs and often becomes Devil's advocate (pardon the phrase!) to our talks. I expect drunkenness, possibly some friendly shouting and a generally good time!
There is one weird side to this however. He is my partners best friend from childhood and has pretty much been the confirmed bachelor or the group forever until recently. Suddenly he has a partner, has moved in (quite a way away too) and is having a child and my partner seems to have entered a strange period of mourning for his all too absent friend. I have joked for years that they will run off together one day and consummate their (again pardon the colloquialism) bromance because my partner seems to crave his company so much. Before his newly acquired happy state he was a weekly fixture on our sofa, glass of cheap red in hand and fork in the other while we ate, drank and talked until the early hours. Its been several weeks since the last visit and my partner is in a kind of haze of excited preparation which can only be described in terms of the anticipation of an upcoming date. Don't misunderstand, neither of them are homosexual (or at least I have seen no sign of it!) but I am almost jealous of the regard held for this (admittedly wonderful) friend. Maybe someday he will love me that much!
Anyway talking of love and other such filth, the wedding plans are forging ahead with a speed to take away the breath and mental stability of any would be bride. The venue, registrar and reception are planned, booked and tweaked to taste and the dress is ready for imminent order. I have to admit its all rather terrifying as there is only 3 months until the fateful day when I will be no longer one of the spinster types so terrifying to women of my age. I am one of the last of my friends to marry or have kids (or both) so its an anticlimax for most of them I'm sure.
We have had the usual arguments about changing my name. I am one of 4 girls and the unmarried 3 of us are the last in my immediate family with our surname and since it's an old name and one I am proud of I am loathe to give it up especially for an outdated and misogynistic tradition which bears no relevance at all. Of course my partner wants me to take his name although I don't see why it matters as he has plenty of his tribe to carry it on but I suspect its simply a male need to own or at least appear to own something completely. Its mostly for my potential children that I want to keep my name because it is my only tangible way to pass on their history and continue the name. I am happy to do that rather posh and a bit snobby sounding thing of double barrelling but he still seems rather against the idea. I don't expect him to do so as well but I would love my children to carry on my name after all its my only legacy.
Crikey that's all rather deep and depressing isn't it? Sorry for that normal ranting service will resume in due course once I have some new sparks to light the old righteous anger.
I will be back anon.
Huzzah, Hooray and other H words!
It's part time, 2.5 days a week which pays the bills (just, I am lucky to be co-habiting) without making me too tired or ill to function adequately. This of course means that I am once again able to blog with impunity as I have access to a decent(ish) PC at work and of course a life to blog about!
We will be seeing a good friend on Saturday evening for a (now sadly rare) evening of much wine and chatting which should throw up some good topics for blogussion. He is one of my own, a free thinker and non-religious secularist with whom I have had countless enjoyable discussions and debates with. It's gets even better because my partner will also be there and he is not entirely convinced by our fervent (non) beliefs and often becomes Devil's advocate (pardon the phrase!) to our talks. I expect drunkenness, possibly some friendly shouting and a generally good time!
There is one weird side to this however. He is my partners best friend from childhood and has pretty much been the confirmed bachelor or the group forever until recently. Suddenly he has a partner, has moved in (quite a way away too) and is having a child and my partner seems to have entered a strange period of mourning for his all too absent friend. I have joked for years that they will run off together one day and consummate their (again pardon the colloquialism) bromance because my partner seems to crave his company so much. Before his newly acquired happy state he was a weekly fixture on our sofa, glass of cheap red in hand and fork in the other while we ate, drank and talked until the early hours. Its been several weeks since the last visit and my partner is in a kind of haze of excited preparation which can only be described in terms of the anticipation of an upcoming date. Don't misunderstand, neither of them are homosexual (or at least I have seen no sign of it!) but I am almost jealous of the regard held for this (admittedly wonderful) friend. Maybe someday he will love me that much!
Anyway talking of love and other such filth, the wedding plans are forging ahead with a speed to take away the breath and mental stability of any would be bride. The venue, registrar and reception are planned, booked and tweaked to taste and the dress is ready for imminent order. I have to admit its all rather terrifying as there is only 3 months until the fateful day when I will be no longer one of the spinster types so terrifying to women of my age. I am one of the last of my friends to marry or have kids (or both) so its an anticlimax for most of them I'm sure.
We have had the usual arguments about changing my name. I am one of 4 girls and the unmarried 3 of us are the last in my immediate family with our surname and since it's an old name and one I am proud of I am loathe to give it up especially for an outdated and misogynistic tradition which bears no relevance at all. Of course my partner wants me to take his name although I don't see why it matters as he has plenty of his tribe to carry it on but I suspect its simply a male need to own or at least appear to own something completely. Its mostly for my potential children that I want to keep my name because it is my only tangible way to pass on their history and continue the name. I am happy to do that rather posh and a bit snobby sounding thing of double barrelling but he still seems rather against the idea. I don't expect him to do so as well but I would love my children to carry on my name after all its my only legacy.
Crikey that's all rather deep and depressing isn't it? Sorry for that normal ranting service will resume in due course once I have some new sparks to light the old righteous anger.
I will be back anon.
Thursday 11 March 2010
I have become a statistic
I haven't blogged recently simply because my life has become boring, dull and I am completely fed up. My 6 month temp job ended on a high with a card, presents and a reference what more could I ask for? I started a new placement and it was fine for about a week until the bloody, evil, bane-of-my-life epilepsy once again reared its ugly head. I had 3 seizures within a week worrying the hell out of my partner and making me lose several days at work and of course loads of my earnings. One fit saw me collapsing on the bus to work and to my intense mortification the bus had to be stopped and an ambulance called. I was taken to A and E where after the usual barrage of painful blood tests, ECG's and monitoring I was told to go home, rest and see the GP. It's always the same which is why all my friends and family are told only to call an ambulance if I fit for a long time or stop breathing. It's utterly pointless and demeaning. Anyway long story short the GP thinks I am not able to handle working full time anymore (I'm 28 for Christ's sake!) and should work part time. I work out a few numbers and can manage on half hours although I wouldn't have much disposable cash at all but health is more important than cash so I spoke to my boss in the new temp job who agreed to let me work part time until she could find a new full time temp. This was all well and good but she found one almost instantly! I have been out of work for 6 weeks and despite applying for dozens of permanent part time jobs and meeting with several managers looking for temps nothing has come up. I'm out of cash, out of patience and my partner is getting twitchy about money. Hell I have a wedding to pay for and no income! I have rent to pay and nothing to give! I'm well and truly fed up. I have been selling my belongings on ebay to find cash but it's not worth anything. All my partner can see is the amount of money he is losing not the fact that I need support and maybe a bit of leeway until I'm back in work. I know I am selfish and he has his own not inconsiderable problems with work and life in general but he makes me feel like I'm just being lazy and trying to live off him for free. After nearly 10 years of working and paying my way he still thinks I'm just another gold digger. I have no intention of remaining unemployed in fact I'm bored, lonely and becoming depressed and I need to get back into the world.
Anyway rant over for today. I suppose with all this time on my hands I may even blog more often!
Friday 15 January 2010
Weddings, Snow and Mother Theresa
Yet again its been ages since I last posted but that's not very surprising since I have been so busy. I have finally booked my wedding! The whole thing does seem a bit of a pain in the proverbial for one day but I suppose it needs organising by someone with some common sense (not my partner).
The wedding, the reception and the catering is booked so far so not bad going really.
In other news it's snowed where I live and we have had a nightmare trying to get around. I missed 3 days of work (no way I'm actually walking!) and subsequently lost 3 days of pay which was nice. Why do people like snow so much? Its only pretty for oh about 5 minuted until people walk and drive on it and it degenerates into an icky grey mush which sticks to everything and ruins your shoes. The icy conditions left me rather fed up and miserable. Roll on Summer! At least the horrible stuff has mostly melted now. We better not get any more this year! The downside of being an atheist is the inability to blame a deity or pray for help in these situations. At least I can console myself with the fact that as a natural phenomenon its not 'punishing' us for imagined though crimes in the way that some have claimed for other natural occurrences (admittedly far far worse and calamitous).
I have been reading again folks and I am happy to say that Christopher Hitchens book 'The Missionary Position' about the fraud that was Mother Theresa is very enlightening. Did you ever wonder why with all the millions of charity donations the wizened old crow received she rarely actually helped the poor? She kept them poor and even tried to persuaded them to be grateful for their plight (apparently being poor, downtrodden and miserable is holy) and to remember their place in the grand scheme of her imagined universe. Despite being begged to give decent medical care to many of her flock she refused and actively made a point of making her own followers and charity workers (mostly honest decent people) live in austere conditions which she claimed somehow made their work better. Now I understand the avoidance of worldly wealth and its often dehumanising effect but a decent bed and clothing isn't so outrageous is it? She did all this not because she actually wanted to aid the poor but because she wanted to 'become immortal' by inventing a religious philosophy and dogma to live by. And don't even get me started on her views about contraception and abortion. Anyone who claims authority to give a moral code regarding that most natural of behaviours, sex, should at least have some knowledge and experience of the subject matter. An old virgin brainwashed by fanatical nonsense is not that person. The very fact that she regarded contraception as a grievous sin and persuaded others of this actually makes the situation of those she claimed to help even worse. She would rather a woman died in childbirth or starved with her large family because she cannot afford to feed her children than let her take a tiny pill which aids her in choosing when and how often she conceives. You must remember that most of these people live in a theocracy which states the woman is the property or at least subservient to the man and as such has no choice in abstaining from the sexual act. What a tangled web we weave. Catch 22 I think!
Religion really does poison everything Christopher Hitchens is right in this assertion. I sincerely hope (and what is humanity if not hopeful) that we all wake up from this delusion and choose a more humanistic approach to Life, the Universe and Everything. Religion can only state black and white with regards to Morality (which has existed in my opinion for far longer than organised religion) and the reality is that everything is composed of grey areas. The intelligent ape that is the human can only choose which level of grey is most appropriate to the situation and act accordingly.
The wedding, the reception and the catering is booked so far so not bad going really.
In other news it's snowed where I live and we have had a nightmare trying to get around. I missed 3 days of work (no way I'm actually walking!) and subsequently lost 3 days of pay which was nice. Why do people like snow so much? Its only pretty for oh about 5 minuted until people walk and drive on it and it degenerates into an icky grey mush which sticks to everything and ruins your shoes. The icy conditions left me rather fed up and miserable. Roll on Summer! At least the horrible stuff has mostly melted now. We better not get any more this year! The downside of being an atheist is the inability to blame a deity or pray for help in these situations. At least I can console myself with the fact that as a natural phenomenon its not 'punishing' us for imagined though crimes in the way that some have claimed for other natural occurrences (admittedly far far worse and calamitous).
I have been reading again folks and I am happy to say that Christopher Hitchens book 'The Missionary Position' about the fraud that was Mother Theresa is very enlightening. Did you ever wonder why with all the millions of charity donations the wizened old crow received she rarely actually helped the poor? She kept them poor and even tried to persuaded them to be grateful for their plight (apparently being poor, downtrodden and miserable is holy) and to remember their place in the grand scheme of her imagined universe. Despite being begged to give decent medical care to many of her flock she refused and actively made a point of making her own followers and charity workers (mostly honest decent people) live in austere conditions which she claimed somehow made their work better. Now I understand the avoidance of worldly wealth and its often dehumanising effect but a decent bed and clothing isn't so outrageous is it? She did all this not because she actually wanted to aid the poor but because she wanted to 'become immortal' by inventing a religious philosophy and dogma to live by. And don't even get me started on her views about contraception and abortion. Anyone who claims authority to give a moral code regarding that most natural of behaviours, sex, should at least have some knowledge and experience of the subject matter. An old virgin brainwashed by fanatical nonsense is not that person. The very fact that she regarded contraception as a grievous sin and persuaded others of this actually makes the situation of those she claimed to help even worse. She would rather a woman died in childbirth or starved with her large family because she cannot afford to feed her children than let her take a tiny pill which aids her in choosing when and how often she conceives. You must remember that most of these people live in a theocracy which states the woman is the property or at least subservient to the man and as such has no choice in abstaining from the sexual act. What a tangled web we weave. Catch 22 I think!
Religion really does poison everything Christopher Hitchens is right in this assertion. I sincerely hope (and what is humanity if not hopeful) that we all wake up from this delusion and choose a more humanistic approach to Life, the Universe and Everything. Religion can only state black and white with regards to Morality (which has existed in my opinion for far longer than organised religion) and the reality is that everything is composed of grey areas. The intelligent ape that is the human can only choose which level of grey is most appropriate to the situation and act accordingly.
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